Friday, January 8, 2010

How to Get Respect on the Beaches of Malibu by Baretta

Have a cool name.

Live there a long time, even though locals hate you at first.

Be an "insta-bro" – someone who comes out of nowhere and is a heavy local instantly by trying to be friends with everyone at all times.

Be friends with a large number of lifeguards.

Have old pictures of yourself in amazing situations on front-page news stories.

Limit greetings to a nod and a fist pound so you don't give away your domination factor.

Don't show up with a quiver of boards shaped by SpongeBob.

Don't use the phrase "talk story" to impress people.

Don't talk about how you just got back from Indo. No one likes to hear a rich boy brag.

Don't talk to Snowman (or anyone sitting in front of a surf shop in Santa Monica Canyon).

Say you're friends with Shaka.

Throw the locals' henchman on the rocks at low tide.

Surf year-round without a wetsuit.

Surf at least two sessions a day, or two to four hours at a time.

If you find yourself at the World Surfing Championships in 1966, don't forget to shake Duke Kahanamoku's hand, because you'll never get another opportunity.

Don't smoke. No one respects a slave to addiction.

Don't rely on being a drug lord, even though you try it. Drug lords don't live long or prosper.

Pick up trash, even if no one's watching.

Write some chapbooks (that are good, not BS!)

Make sure all of your clothing isn't sponsored bitchin' wear. Have a few accessories from the 99 Cent Store.

Pablo, great to meet you the other day and thanks for the history lesson on the Snake Pit. I learn something new every day, even about my back yard...

Check out more of Pablo's pressings at Brass Tacks Press.

No comments:

Post a Comment